In her October 2010 General Conference address entitled, “Stay on the Path,” Sister Rosemary Wixom says, “The world will teach our children if we do not, and children are capable of learning all the world will teach them at a very young age. What we want them to know five years from now needs to be part of our conversation with them today. Teach them in every circumstance; let every dilemma, every consequence, every trial that they may face provide an opportunity to teach them how to hold on to gospel truths.”
Sometimes the task of teaching our children about intimacy (especially sexual intimacy) can seem daunting. There is no need to feel intimidated. This is a sacred opportunity and obligation. The world we live in today is more than eager to teach your children if you do not. Unfortunately, the world doesn't always (or even often) teach truth... but rather Satan's cheap imitation of truth. Do not leave your children to navigate the barrage of misinformation on their own. Teach them truth.
There are many resources to help you, and most importantly, we have the gift of the Holy Ghost to help guide us in the specific needs of our children.
It is important to recognize that teaching about intimacy is not a "one and done" conversation. It is more like many small conversations throughout a lifetime. We can start teaching about bodies and gender from the time our children are tiny. As they grow and mature, those conversations need to grow and mature as well. It is important to be observant of your children's readiness in order to know the best way to teach them. You can read more about that here.
Below are some sample lessons for Family Home evening. I want to reiterate that this topic requires correct timing as well as an awareness of your child's readiness. What works for one family (or child) may not be a good fit for all. These lessons may be just what you need or serve as a jumping off point. Take it or leave it, or change it to fit your needs.
My body is a gift: a lesson about intimacy
for children ages 2-7
Objective: To help children
recognize and become aware of their body, as a gift from Heavenly Father, and
as something that should be honored and treated with care. We will discuss the
gift of our bodies and play a game to learn about and identify parts of the
body and the things they can do. Depending on readiness, we will address
gender, modesty, as well as appropriate and inappropriate touch. In the end, we
will have a greater appreciation for the gift of our bodies, as well as started
down a path of open communication for future discussions.
Family Business:
Opening
Song: I am a Child of God (Children’s songbook, 2)
Opening Prayer:
Scripture: Moses 2: 31
And
I, God, saw everything that I had made, and, behold, all things which I had
made were very good…
Lesson:
Object lesson:
Show a gift wrapped to look pretty (inside are the
body flashcards). BEFORE OPENING THE GIFT, show it and talk about how nice it
is to receive gifts. When people give you gifts it is one way that people show
they love you.
Question: When someone gives us a gift, how should
we treat it? Do we open it and break it? Do we throw it on the ground? No. we
take care of it, right? We show that we appreciate it.
Open the gift and show
them the body flash cards. (It might be good to say, “Oh look! It’s a fun game
for us to play about our wonderful bodies!”).
Printable flashcards (cut
them out ahead of time) : https://www.prekinders.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/body-part-word-cards.pdf
Heavenly Father has given
us an amazing gift… our bodies! They are one of the things that make us like
Him because He has a body too! Bodies can sure do amazing things. They are a
gift from Him because He loves us. We should take good care of our bodies and
treat them like they are special.
Game: Turn the cards
upside down and place them in a pile. Have each child choose a flashcard one at
a time. With each card, talk briefly about that body part or have them do a
small action. For example: with the hand card, you could say “You have hands.
What can you do with your hands? Can you wiggle your fingers? Let’s all give
high fives.” For the nose card, you could smell different scents and try to
have them guess what they are. For the eye card you can have them find 3 colors
that they see. For many of the cards you can just ask “What amazing things can
you do with your __________.” The main
point of the game is to reiterate that our bodies are special and can do many
things.
Our bodies are really
awesome, aren’t they? I love my body! I’m so grateful for all the things it
lets me do. Do you love your body! Yay for the gift of our bodies!
Depending on the age of
your children, you could continue the discussion by asking questions like:
“How are boys’ and girls’ body’s
different?” “What kind of touch is
appropriate?”
“What should you do or say
if someone is making you uncomfortable?
“Why do you think we wear
clothes?” “What goals can we set
to take care of our bodies?”
Closing
Song: Head Shoulders, Knees and Toes (Children’s
songbook, 275)
Closing
Prayer:
Family Home Evening Lesson
What is sex: a lesson
about intimacy for children ages 8-13
Objective: To help children
recognize and become aware of exactly what sexual intimacy entails, that it is
a sacred gift from Heavenly Father and as such, has parameters for it’s use. We
will use an illustrated book for the technical portion of the lesson. We will
also discuss the truth that Satan would have us use this gift inappropriately
and if we do it will result in heartache. PARENTS ARE STRONGLY ENCOURAGED TO
SAVE THIS LESSON FOR THE RIGHT TIME DEPENDING ON READINESS. As a result of this
lesson, we will have established a feeling of the reverence towards the act of
sex, taught about its role in creating babies, and opened a comfortable path
for continued dialogue.
Family Business:
Opening Song: Families Can Be Together Forever (Children’s songbook, 188)
Opening Prayer:
Scripture: Moses 2: 31
And I, God, saw everything that I had made, and
behold, all things which I had made were very good…
Lesson:
Side note: The tone of
this lesson is very important. As you speak to your child in a mature way,
emphasizing the privilege of being mature enough to learn what you’re about to
teach them, it will make a big difference in how the information is received.
Today’s family home
evening lesson is really special. Your dad and I have noticed that you’ve been
asking a lot of questions lately that show us you are really growing up.
Because we can see that you are maturing, we think it is time to teach you
about one of the most wonderful and special things in the entire world.
Question: What makes
Heavenly Father amazing and powerful? What are some of the things that He can
do that are amazing? (Answers typically include things like… He can hear our
prayers, He can see everyone at once, He can do miracles, the answer that you
want to guide them towards or settle on is when you get into His powers to
create).
Heavenly Father is a
master creator. He can make something exist that didn’t exist before. That is
an awesome power! Heavenly Father loves us and trust us so much that He has
given us a really special gift. He has given us a tiny portion of His power to
create. He has given us the power to create bodies for His spirit children.
What do you think about
that? Do you want to learn more about that? (Most children are very intrigued,
but if your child says no, then this is a good indicator that it might be best
to say, “OK. That’s alright, we can address this in the future when you feel
more ready.”)
Let’s get Technical:
Side note: I know a lot of
parents who prefer to use medical textbooks to teach this part, and that is
great. There are things I like about this book I recommend, and things I wish
were different, but overall, I appreciate “Where Did I Come From?” by Peter
Mayle (Let me give you a heads up, it is blunt and straight forward and
includes illustrated pictures of nudity).
It can be purchased here: https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B01A4ANV5G&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_F94BHA1A66GSZ227GCTS&tag=mobile04ad10d-20
I know it can be kind of uncomfortable to talk about
this sometimes, but Dad and I want you to know that it is an amazing gift. Can
you believe all the things your body can do? It is something that makes you
like Heavenly Father, and that is so cool.
Satan doesn’t have the power to create. This makes
him really angry. It makes him so mad that you can do something that he can’t,
so he wants you to use this gift in the wrong way. He knows that if he can make
something special into something gross or something that people treat plainly or
think is ok to do with just anyone, then it will make you sad in the end.
Question: Can you think of ways that Satan tricks
people into treating sex like it isn’t the most special and sacred gift that it
is?
Right, in movies or even on the playground you will
hear others say things that are inappropriate about sex. But now you know more.
You know that that is Satan trying to steal people’s happiness! So you can know
that you don’t want to participate in that kind of entertainment or
conversation.
Heavenly Father wants us to only use this gift with
our husband or wife.
Question: Why do you think that is?
Question: Would it be appropriate to tell everyone
at school what you learned tonight? (Not really, because they may not be ready
to handle it as maturely as you are, and it could turn into an inappropriate
conversation).
That was a lot of information. Do you have any other
questions? Dad and I want you to know that you will have more questions come to
your mind in the next day or two. You can always come to us and ask us
anything. We will always answer truthfully. We love you!
Closing Song: I am a Child of God (Children’s songbook, 2)
Closing Prayer:
Family Home Evening Lesson
Avoiding Temptation: a
lesson about intimacy for children ages 14+
Objective: To help older children
recognize and become aware of the sacredness of sexuality and that temptations
are surrounding them, but can be avoided through intentional actions. We will
use For the Strength of Youth: A Guide for Making Choices as well as a talk by
Elder Lynn G Robbins as a guide for the discussion. In the end, we hope to have
set some goals for working towards purity in a sex drenched world, as well as
continued our ongoing dialogue about intimacy.
Family Business:
Opening Song: Choose the Right Way (Children’s songbook, 160)
Opening Prayer:
Scripture: D&C
121:45
“Let virtue garnish thy
thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of
God”
Lesson:
It may be helpful to
provide each member of the family with a copy of “For
the Strength of Youth: A Guide for Making Choices”
Have a volunteer read this
excerpt from For the Strength of Youth: A Guide for
Making Choices
Sexual
feelings are an important part of God’s plan to create happy marriages and
eternal families. These feelings are not
sinful—they are sacred. Because sexual feelings are so sacred and so powerful,
God has given you His law of chastity to prepare you to use these feelings as
He intends. The law of chastity states that God approves of sexual activity
only between a man and a woman who are married. Many in the world ignore or
even mock God’s law, but the Lord invites us to be His disciples and live a
standard higher than the world’s.
Question: Does anyone have
any thought about the quote?
One thought that I had is
that it points out that having sexual feelings is not sinful, it is actually
exactly the way Heavenly Father created us. Satan would have us believe that
those urges are so powerful that we can’t control them, but God has taught us
that we have control over our bodies and the power to resist those powerful
urges until the time is right.
In the world we live in,
sex is everywhere. It is in our music, our movies, our ads in commercials and
on magazine covers. The temptation seems to be everywhere.
Elder Lynn G. Robbins, in
a talk called “Avoid it” (https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/lynn-g-robbins/avoid/) teaches it
is easier to avoid temptation than it is to resist temptation.
Read the following example
from Elder Robbins talk:
Chocolate Chip Cookies
To illustrate the wisdom
of this principle, let’s suppose my great temptation in life is chocolate chip
cookies and I’m trying to conquer the temptation. It is easier for me not to
have the cookies in the house than it is to walk through the front door and
smell two dozen of them fresh out of the oven—warm, moist, and smelling good.
At that moment I am no longer simply fighting temptation; I am also fighting
chemistry. The aroma triggers the pleasure center of my brain. My mouth begins
to water in preparation for the cookies. With each tempting breath my
resistance grows weaker as my craving grows stronger and my appetite begins to
overpower my reason and resolve. My other self—the one that is carnal—argues in
favor of the cookies: “You know, dieting doesn’t have to mean deprivation. It’s
your overall effort that counts, and one cookie certainly isn’t going to blow
your diet.” With my pleasure center activated, I don’t need much convincing,
and I yield to the cookie’s enticing aroma. How easy is it to stop when that
first cookie only intensified your appetite rather than satisfied it? That same
voice says, “Well, you’ve blown it now! You may as well enjoy yourself and
recommit to your diet tomorrow.” So after I’ve eaten about six cookies, maybe
with a glass of milk, I begin to feel remorseful about breaking my resolution
and diet.
Question: How do you think
this applies to the quote we read earlier from For the Strength of Youth?
Elder Robbins continues, “I
hope you will understand the metaphor as I now apply it to a far stronger
desire. The Lord has blessed each of us with powerful hormones that also link
to the brain’s pleasure center. It is a very desirable attraction that begins
to occur in adolescence toward the opposite sex. Along with the many spiritual
reasons that inspire a person to get married, the Lord has also blessed us with
this powerful physical drive, with this intense chemistry, to motivate us to
get married—to be fathers and mothers, to have children and a family of our
own, and to strengthen the loving bonds between husband and wife. Why?
According to “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” it is because “the
family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His
children.” The proclamation also states
“that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be
employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.”
Question: Knowing that we live in a sex-obsessed
world, what are some ways you can avoid the temptations all around you?
The following quote from For the Strength of Youth
could be a spark for ongoing conversation:
Keep sex and sexual feelings sacred.
They should not be the subject of jokes or entertainment. Outside of marriage
between a man and a woman, it is wrong to touch the private, sacred parts of
another person’s body even if clothed. In your choices about what you do, look
at, read, listen to, think about, post, or text, avoid anything that purposely
arouses lustful emotions in others or yourself. This includes pornography in
any form. If you find that situations or activities make temptations stronger,
avoid them. You know what those situations and activities are. And if you
aren’t sure, the Spirit, your parents, and your leaders can help you know. Show
your Father in Heaven that you honor and respect the sacred power to create
life.
Close by watching the following video and
challenging the family to write down a goal for resisting temptation, and
increasing in purity.
Closing Song: Keep the Commandments (Children’s songbook, 146)
Closing Prayer:
