Reproving with Love

 

41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; 42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; 44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. 45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven. 46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever. (Doctrine & Covenants 121:41-46)

 

Me with my scriptures before I became a mother. I'm forever grateful for the guide they have been to me in my parenting journey. 

                What a huge blessing the scriptures are to parents! Is there a better guidebook out there? I doubt it. I’m so grateful for a Father in Heaven who knows that children (and even adults) will need correction at times and has given us a formula that allows correction—with clear guidelines—all while still strengthening relationships. I really appreciated the clarity that came through studying the footnotes for this passage of scripture. One portion that stuck out was at the beginning of verse 42, where it stresses the importance of having proper knowledge and understanding. It made me stop and reflect on the importance knowing and understanding motives, the individual’s unique weaknesses and developmental capabilities, and even an understanding of what the situation requiring reproval entails. The phrase that caught my attention the most comes from verse 43, “…when moved upon by the Holy Ghost.” In a moment of frustration and anger, it can be hard to know if you’re being persuaded by the Holy Ghost or by strong emotion. I wanted to dive deeper into this, so I did a little research and found a 1979 article by Spencer J Condie, entitled, “Reproving with Love.” In the article, he gives a list to help clarify. He says,

“We may be more certain that the Holy Ghost moves upon us when:

  1. The intensity of the reproof is appropriate to the cause.

2. The message is painful to the messenger, as well as to the recipient.

3. We reprove promptly, without harboring ill will.

4. We follow our reproof with “an increase of love.”

5. We weigh our words—and our feelings—carefully.

6. We are, and have been, in tune with the Spirit prior to the reproof.

7. We prepare for the reproof with preliminary prayer whenever possible

8. After the reproof, we feel at peace with ourselves.”

                In the article, Elder Condie expounds on each of the eight points. I found them so enlightening. I especially love the last one, stating that if we acted in accordance with the Holy Ghost and in a way that is consistent with gospel teachings, we will feel at peace after the reproof. Elder Condie says, “After it has been said, we need have no regrets or second thoughts regarding what should have been said or left unsaid.” When we are guided by the Holy Ghost, and follow the directions found in Doctrine and Covenants 121, we can feel confident in our actions when correction is required.