Advocate

 

Advocate

What does it mean to you to be an advocate? 

I can clearly remember a lesson in advocacy from when I was a young mother. My children and I rushed up to the elementary school during the summer to see which classes (and teachers) they had been assigned to for the coming school year. As I looked at the list my heart sank. My sweet, tenderhearted almost first grader was put in a class with a notoriously mean teacher. I had helped in the school the previous year, enough to know that having my son in her class would be a huge personality mismatch and a recipe for a very difficult year.  I worried and fretted about it as the summer went on. I didn't want to make waves. I didn't want the uncomfortable confrontation with the principal (who made it clear that he didn't accept "teacher requests"). I didn't want a target on my son's back. I didn't want to be a lawn-mower parent. I thought often (and prayed often) about what the best course of action would be. I recall expressing all of these worries to my neighbor who was older and wiser than I was. 

She said, "YOU are your son's advocate! If you aren't going to work for his best interest then who is?"

She was right! I was my child's best advocate. I put on my "brave pants" and went to visit with the principal. He didn't make it an easy conversation, but I was eventually able to persuade him and have my boy switched to a different class. 

Sometimes advocating for our children means exactly what I just described-- particularly if our children have special needs or challenges. As my neighbor said, "If you aren't going to work for your child's best interest, then who is?" 

If you find yourself in need of help as you advocate for your child, most communities or school districts have clinical resources or early intervention programs that can give you direction and assistance. 

Here are some great resources on advocacy. 

It is especially important to note that advocacy is more than just intervening and standing up for your child's needs. 

As you advocate for your child's needs, sometimes it is important to remember that often their greatest need is YOU. 

Advocating for our children simply means supporting them.

Advocating is your child knowing that they can count on you being in the stands at their football game or violin concert. Advocating is helping your child learn their multiplication tables or their spelling words. Advocating looks like late night conversations and early morning driving practice. It is a soft lap or a kiss for a scraped knee. Any time you are supporting your child as you work for their best interest, you are advocating. 

Your parenting is only as effective as the degree to which your children believe you have their best interest at heart. 

Each time you practice being a present parent, each time you strengthen your connections, each time you practice advocacy, you are increasing that degree-- thus increasing your influence in their lives. 

I love the notion that advocating for our children doesn't have to just be reserved for moments of distress or confrontation. Advocacy can also be enriching and enjoyable-- and even fun. 

I love the resources provided by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for supporting our children. They include articles related to parent-child communication, fostering resilience in children, helping children set goals, cheering your children on, and many more. I highly recommend you take time to study them as you work towards strengthening your ability to advocate for your children's best interest. 

Motivate

 

Let’s talk about motivation.

Motivate 

What drives you? What keeps you going in those situations where you are only accountable to yourself? What about when it gets hard or doesn’t go the way you had initially planned? The way we look at challenges has a huge impact our success. The way we teach our children to view challenges has a huge impact on their ability to self-motivate and is directly linked to level of achievement.

Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset

A fixed mindset describes children (and adults) who believe their intelligence, talents and personalities are fixed traits that cannot grow. They believe we are born with a certain level of ability or talent. Fixed mindsets lead us to believe that we are either good or bad at something based on our inherent nature.  

People with a growth mindset believe what we’re born with is just a starting point. They recognize intelligence, talents and personality can develop and change through effort – and perhaps even struggle. If we are able to foster a growth mindset in ourselves—and in our children, it also means we view mistakes as opportunities to grow. A growth mindset allows us to recognize that positive outcomes are a result of effort and hard work, and not merely talent. 

I love what Stanford Professor, Carol Dweck, teaches about the power of “yet”. When we have a growth mindset, we recognize ourselves (and our children) as works in progress, we are all in the process of becoming.

So, how do we foster a growth mindset? Here are a few suggestions:

Reframe the notion that “hard" means “bad”

 

When we do something hard, our brain is forming millions of new connections. Every time we do something that pushes the boundaries of our comfort zone, we are growing. As a parent, when we remove obstacles from our children’s lives and try to make their path as trial-free as possible—we are actually depriving them of opportunities to become more authentically who they have the potential to be. We are also inadvertently sending a message that we don’t think they are capable of doing hard things.  When we focus on a growth mindset, we embrace challenge, struggle, criticism, and setbacks as opportunities to progress. They are no longer threatening because success now means engaging in the process more than it does achieving a successful end.  

 Change the way we talk to ourselves, and to our children

 

“…every word and action can send a message.  It tells children — or students, or athletes — how to think about themselves.  It can be a fixed-mindset message that says: You have permanent traits and I’m judging them.  Or it can be a growth-mindset message that says: You are a developing person and I am interested in your development. Praising children’s intelligence harms their motivation and it harms their performance.  Parents think they can hand children permanent confidence — like a gift — by praising their brains and talent.  It doesn’t work, and in fact has the opposite effect.  It makes children doubt themselves as soon as anything is hard or anything goes wrong.  If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.  That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise.  They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence” (Dweck, 2016).

 When we praise our children, we should focus on the process over the product—especially our passing evaluative judgement of the product. For example, instead of saying “Good job on your report card.” You might try,” Wow! All the effort you put into your homework really paid off this semester.” Can you see the difference? The second statement applauds the work that was put in and reinforces the behavior to continue learning, while the first statement simply reinforces the desire or work for approval and a parental reiteration of “you’re good.”  Instead of saying, “You’re such a good girl for cleaning your room.” We could simply say, “You cleaned your room! Thank you!” Being aware of the underlying messages we are sending through the way we praise has the power to make a huge impact on how our children view themselves and their abilities.

                I found this article to be very informative if you want to learn more about effective praise.  

What Is Effective Praise? Definition and Examples

     Next time you want to say, "Good boy!" or "Great job!" you may want to try one of these instead...

https://reachformontessori.com/what-is-effective-praise/

As we become more mindful of our inner voice, we will be better at changing the way we speak to ourselves regarding growth. Remove the fixed mindset dialogue and replace it with growth talk.

 

  Start living life!

 A growth mindset is liberating. It gives us (and our children) permission to develop talents and interests (and to fail at them as we learn). It gives us the opportunity to try new things, to step out of our comfort zone, and to do the things that scare us. A growth mindset allows our relationships to become more authentic as we let go of ideals and expectations and embrace the closeness and intimacy that is hard won through struggle and genuine living. Growth mindsets allow us to love the process. When we learn to let go of solely focusing on the final product it allows us to indulge those rich moments in the middle of the journey. Just like all things in life, the more we strive to view our lives, our relationships, and our experiences with a growth-mindset, the better at it we will get-- and that's growth!

 

References

Dweck, C. S. (2016). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Ballantine Books.

Kennedy, M. J. (2021, October 14). What is effective praise? definition and examples. The Montessori-Minded Mom. Retrieved October 7, 2022, from https://reachformontessori.com/what-is-effective-praise/

Smith, J. (2020). Growth mindset vs fixed mindset: How what you think affects what you achieve. Mindset Health. Retrieved October 7, 2022, from https://www.mindsethealth.com/matter/growth-vs-fixed-mindset

Nurture

 

The Family: A Proclamation to the World says, “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners” (Family, para. 7).

It points out that that nurturing is one of our main responsibilities as parents. I love the additional light we receive from Elder Ulisses S. Soares, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, in his most recent General Conference address. He said, Nurturing and presiding are interrelated and overlapping responsibilities, which means that mothers and fathers “are obligated to help one another as equal partners” and share a balanced leadership in their home. To nurture means to nourish, teach, and support” family members, which is done by helping them to “learn gospel truths and develop faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ” in an environment of love. To preside means to “help lead family members back to dwell in God’s presence. This is done by serving and teaching with gentleness, meekness, and pure love.” It also includes “leading family members in regular prayer, gospel study, and other aspects of worship. Parents work in unity,” following the example of Jesus Christ, “to fulfill these [two great] responsibilities” (Soares, 2022).

Nurture

In a great resource on the family is a manual published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 2006. It is entitled Strengthening the Family. A section dedicated to nurturing, discusses the findings of Dr. John Gottman. He teaches about the importance that “emotion coaching” plays in our efforts to nurture our children. Emotion coaching is 

When done properly, it has been shown to help children form stronger relationships, do better in school, regulate their own moods better, and bounce back faster from emotions.  It has also been linked to greater health overall. Emotion coaching produces children (who become adults) that manage life’s challenges better.

Gottman outlines 5 steps to emotion coaching:

source: https://www.facebook.com/GottmanInstitute/photos/five-steps-of-emotion-coachingstep-1-be-aware-of-your-childs-emotions-step-2-rec/10156096452940865/

Be Aware of the Child’s Emotions

If we are tuned into our children’s emotions, we can begin coaching before those emotions escalate. A couple months ago, I was asked to help in primary. I was sitting next to a little boy in the youngest class. He was trying to get the chorister’s attention during singing time. He wanted to show the picture he had colored. The chorister was not responding to him, and I could see he was getting upset. I should have intervened at this point, but I was not familiar with the little boy and had no idea that within minutes he would be having a complete and utter freak-out that was beyond his capacity to handle. As we are more aware of our children’s emotions—as well as our own—we can guide them while they are still on the ground level as opposed to over our heads.

 

Recognize Emotion as an Opportunity for Closeness and Teaching

It is so easy to forget that our children are learning and experiencing many emotions for the first times. It is a sacred responsibility to help them learn to navigate those big emotions. “Parents should look at their children’s troubling emotions as opportunities for bonding and growth. Helping soothe a child’s troubled feelings is one of the most satisfying things parents can do. Children feel understood and comforted when kind and loving parents acknowledge and understand their feelings” (Church, 2006, p.36).

Help the Child Identify and Name Emotions

As we listen, we can restate the emotions we are witnessing. There is power in labeling emotions. This builds emotional vocabulary and helps your child increase their ability to express their feelings and calm themselves.

Listen Empathically and Validate the Child’s Feelings

Last week, I got a call from my 8 year old daughter's school informing me she had had a serious accident at recess. She had fallen and hit her face on the pavement. I picked her up from the school to rush her for x-rays. She had hurt her knee and couldn't put weight on one leg at all (so we had to get separate x-rays at a separate doctor’s office on that too). Her teeth were pushed all out of place and had black-top skid marks permanently smeared on them. Her chin was cut up, and her nose was swollen. There was blood and pain and so much emotion covering my little baby's face. She was terrified, and truth be told, I was too. But I kept it together, trying to be her calm in the storm. Typically, my approach is to pep-talk and point out the positive.  I do this even with myself when I experience big emotions. "Kristen, it is going to be OK. Stop feeling sad. Look at all of these things you have to be grateful for."  As I was driving my daughter to the emergency appointments, she was so worried. I could hear trembling in her voice as she repeatedly asked what was going to happen.  I naturally wanted to say, "You're OK. Don't worry. We are going to get you all fixed up and then we can go get a treat." However, I stopped myself. Instead, I said, "I can see that you are so scared. This is scary. I hate when bad things happen. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I am here with you. I will not leave you. We will figure this out together." I was surprised how much more effective those words were over my usual optimistic pep-talk approach.

Set Limits while Helping the Child Learn to Solve Problems

Parents can help set limits and work together by guiding their child to appropriate solutions. “A child’s sense of control increases as parents help the child learn to deal with unpleasant feelings. Children must learn to deal with troubling thoughts and feelings in ways that are socially acceptable and emotionally healthy. Parents may need to set limits on inappropriate behavior while helping children work out problems” (Church, 2006, 40).

Here is a great video for further learning:

Emotion coaching is an amazing tool to not only have in our parenting toolbelt, but also just an all-around worthwhile tool for navigating life in general. When we, as parents, are better at managing our own emotions that will entirely affect our abilities to help our children manage their emotions too. 

I hope you will join me next time, as we discuss the next piece of the National Extension Parent Education Model – Develop.

 

References

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (2006). Strengthening the Family : Instructor's manual.

“Family: A Proclamation to the World.” (1995, November). Ensign, 25, p. 102.

Soares, U. (2022). In partnership with the lord. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Retrieved October 7, 2022, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2022/10/25soares?lang=eng

 

Guide

 

In our last post, we talked a little about the notion of looking at parenting with more of a gardener-mindset than a potter’s mindset. We aren’t so much forming our children into our individual hopes and dreams as much as we are guiding them on their own unique path of learning and becoming. Today we will focus on the 3^rd concept of the National Extension Parent Education Model (NEPEM)—Guide (particularly as it applies to moments of discipline.

Guide

The goal of most parents is to help their children grow into decent human beings. We want to raise adults who are capable, kind, and confident. Unfortunately, many of the disciplinary techniques that parents use today yield long-term results that are opposite of those end goals.

Punishments are a necessary part of parenting, bust as we discipline, we want to do so in a way that works towards the desired outcomes—both in the short and long game. What is the overarching message that you want your discipline to send? I personally want love to be the resounding tone of my discipline. I would hope that in my guiding and correcting, my children know above all else that I love them.

The scriptures teach that proper discipline should not be charged with negative emotions. You can read more about what they teach about reproving with love in this post here.

 It is helpful to view these moments of correction and guidance as opportunities for teaching. The more effective our teaching, the less we will find ourselves in need of parental corrections. If done correctly, they can strengthen our relationships with one another. I really liked this example of recognizing a teaching moment:

“One young girl was working in the garden with her father. Tiring of the work, she asked if she could make them both some lemonade. However, as she made the drink, she spilled sugar and water all over the kitchen. The father, who came in just then, might have looked around the kitchen and been upset at the mess. Instead, he recognized a teaching moment. “‘You know,’ he said, ‘Mother will be home soon. I wonder what she’ll think when she sees this floor and cupboard. What do you think we ought to do about it?’ Sally looked around at the mess and said, ‘I think I better get it cleaned up fast. Would you help me, Daddy? I’ll get the broom and dustpan if you’ll get the mop cloth.’ Together Sally and her father got things back in order” (Saints, 1984, p. 96).

When we find ourselves in moments that require effective correction, how do we do it in a way that shows love AND works? I want to highlight here a method that I believe does both well.

 

It can be found in a book by Dr. Laurence Steinberg entitled “10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting.” He discusses 4 ways to avoid harsh discipline. I highly recommend this book. Here is a brief summary of what he suggests…

1.       Never use physical punishment.

Physical punishment is effective in the short term but comes as a high price in the long term. It has been shown to have the worst side-effects of all the forms of discipline. Children who are physically disciplined are prone to fighting, bullying, and using aggression to solve problems. They are also more likely to be rejected at school, have bad grades, no friends, and incidents of delinquency. Dr Steinberg suggests that instead of using physical consequences, explain that you’re disappointed and implement a time out. A good rule of thumb on the time outs is 1 minute in time out per year of age. That is, a 5-year-old would be in time out for 5 minutes. If your child is too old for time outs, he suggests taking something away—like electronics or time with friends.

2.      Don’t be verbally abusive.

The side effects of verbal harshness include psychological problems, poor self-esteem, and higher levels of clinical depression. Dr. Steinberg emphasizes that being firm does not have to mean being cruel. You will make your point better calmly. Steinberg teaches that your success in guiding your child depends on the degree to which your child believes you have their best interest at heart. Children translate mean words as someone who doesn’t care for them. If your words are hostile, the content gets lost in the tone. As a parent, in a moment of frustration, we need to think before we speak. Be specific in our words as opposed to generalizing. Instead of saying, “You always lie!” Try saying, “Don’t lie to me about _______________.”

3.   Control your anger.

Anger will happen in relationships. It can be expected. There is a difference in feeling angry and really letting out kids have it. Steinberg teaches that for punishment to be most effective, it needs to be immediate but its okay to take a pause first if necessary. He suggests taking a breath, counting to 3, saying “I am really angry and need a minute to calm down”, then waiting only as long as it takes to get to a calm state of mind before you explain your frustration and extend the punishment.

4.    The right way to punish.

Dr. Steinberg teaches that effective punishment is unpleasant (but not harsh), consistent, and swiftly administered. He outlines 5 steps of how to punish the right way. Those are:

1.       IDENTIFY the specific act that was wrong.

2.       State the IMPACT of the misbehavior on those involved.

3.       Suggest ALTERNATIVES to the behavior.

4.       State clearly what the PUNSIHMENT is going to be. I should add a note that the book suggest that a consequence is best if it relates to the “crime” and is even better if it can make restitution for or “undo” the crime in any way.

5.       State your EXPECTATIONS for their behavior in the future.

You can view a role played scenario of how this might look in action in this video. Don't be jealous of our stellar acting abilities... 

As we work to guide our children in their process of becoming, I am confident that it can be done in a spirit of love. It is not always easy to do that, especially in moments of high emotion (learn more about that as we discuss emotion coaching in a future post).  I don't think most parents enjoy having to discipline their children. I do believe that it is a sacred trust and privilege. Through the guidance of the Holy Ghost, and use of appropriate resources, we can be successful in our efforts. 

References

Saints., Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day. (1984). Relief society courses of study 1985. Corporation of the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Steinberg, L. D. (2005). The ten basic principles of good parenting. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.

Understand

 

In today’s post, we will continue our series focusing on the National Extension Parent Education Model (NEPEM). If you haven't read my last post, I would urge you to start there. Today we will be discussing the important role of understanding in our parenting.  

Understand

Parenting is not a one-size-fits-all system. Good parenting requires flexibility and a deep understanding of our unique, individual, ever-evolving child.

Have you ever been asked to do something that was completely outside of your skill set? I love watching the Olympics. There is something thrilling about watching the athletes preform in the pinnacle moment after years and years of dedicated blood sweat and tears they’ve put into honing their skill. Can you imagine the stress and imminent failure that would occur if you were thrown into the pool to swim the 100-meter breaststroke with the Olympians? It’s ridiculous to think that anyone would expect you to do well at something so far outside of your personal realm of possibilities. It is equally ridiculous to expect our children to do things that are outside of their developmental stage of abilities, yet – as parents—we sometimes unknowingly do just that.

Understanding Development

The first realm of understanding that I’d like to touch on is that of being familiar with age-appropriate development. As we have a healthy understanding of what each stage of development entails, we will be better at parenting our child in each stage. We can also be familiar with which milestones to anticipate as our child grows—which is exciting. For example, when we know that children aren’t typically able to follow 2-step directions until they are around 24 months old, we can have more realistic expectations of what we ask them to do. When we have an understanding that it is perfectly normal for toddlers (and again for teens) to test boundaries, we can respond in more effective ways as a result of that understanding. I could write an entire blog entirely focused on the developmental stages of children. Fortunately, I don’t need to because there are already many resources out there. I urge you to take the time to learn about and anticipate the different stages of development. I found this chart informative. 

source: https://walnutclinics.com/developmental-milestones/

I will provide a couple additional helpful links here at the CDC, here at the Child Mind Institute, and here at UNICEF. 

You can also google “developmental milestones for a [your child’s age] year old” to find helpful guidance as well.  

Understanding Individuality in Children

The second realm of understanding that I’d like to talk about is understanding our children as distinctive individuals. I have 6 children. They are all different, and I have had to figure out how to customize my parenting to fit their needs. My oldest son sets very high expectations for himself. If he falls short or makes a mistake, I can guarantee there is nothing I can say that will be stricter than what he is already saying to himself in his own head. The discipline needed to be effective in guiding him was different than the techniques I had to employ to get the message across to some of my other children.

President Brigham Young taught parents to “... study their [children’s] dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly” (Young & Widtsoe 1999, p 207).

 

Are you a potter or a gardener?

I used to think that I was a potter. I thought it was my job to mold my children like clay, into the beautiful vase or useful bowl that I thought they should be. I have since learned that parents are much more like gardeners. Our job is to create good nourishing soil. We do our best to make sure there is plenty of water and sunlight. We guide and prune when necessary.  It is not our job to change the seed we were given. No amount of tending will change a rose bush into an apple tee. It is our privilege to do our part, and then stand back and be amazed as we watch our plants grow and blossom into what they were uniquely meant to become.

When I was a young mother, I had an older and wiser friend tell me that she found it helpful to pray to see the unique talents and gifts that each of her children bring to her family. She was surprised to realize that sometimes the very things that she found frustrating (like never-ending curiosity) were actually very special talents that made them who they were. With a new perspective, she was able to help them develop those skills in productive ways. This piece of advice has helped me so many times as a mother. Our children aren’t going to have all the same likes and dislikes as their parents or even as their siblings do—and that is actually a good thing. Embracing our children for the complex people they are is exciting.

Elder Robert D. Hales, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said, “Realize that each child has varying gifts and abilities; each is an individual requiring special love and care” (Hales, 1999, p 33).

As we spend time together in genuine connection, we will be more tuned in to a greater understanding of who our children are. As a result, we will be able to customize our parenting in ways that will help us accomplish our long-term parenting goals more effectively.

Next time we will learn more about our parental role in Guiding our children in their development. See you then!

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022, August 17). CDC's Developmental Milestones. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved October 4, 2022, from https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/index.html

Hales, R.D. (1999). Strengthening families: Our sacred duty. Ensign, May 1999.

Parents guide to developmental milestones. Child Mind Institute. (2022, May 18). Retrieved October 4, 2022, from https://childmind.org/guide/parents-guide-to-developmental-milestones/

Young, B., & Widtsoe, J. A. (1999). Discourses of Brigham Young: Second president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Deseret Book Company.

Your baby's developmental milestones . UNICEF Parenting. (n.d.). Retrieved October 4, 2022, from https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-development/your-babys-developmental-milestones-2-months

Care for Self

 

I would like to begin a series that will be centered on the National Extension Parent Education Model (NEPEM).

source: https://www.facebook.com/BYUIHomeFamilyDepartment/photos/the-national-extension-parent-education-model-is-used-to-show-6-categories-of-es/393317994478691/

For more information about NEPEM by clicking here

This model focuses on the following six categories:

Care for Self

Understand

Guide

Nurture

Motivate

Advocate

 

Over the next few weeks, we will examine them all. In this post, I would like to focus on the first principle:

Care for Self

Why Care for self? As parents, we spend so much of our time caring for others. It is a noble labor of love and sacrifice. I think it is safe to assume that most parents want to bring their best to the parenting game. But what if, overtime, your “best” has been overworked and diminished?

Elder Marion G. Romney of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said,

"Without self-reliance one cannot exercise these innate desires to serve. How can we give if there is nothing there? Food for the hungry cannot come from empty shelves. Money to assist the needy cannot come from an empty purse. Support and understanding cannot come from the emotionally starved. Teaching cannot come from the unlearned. And most important of all, spiritual guidance cannot come from the spiritually weak" (1982).

 

As we care for others, keep in mind this advice from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:

“For those of you who earnestly seek to bear another’s burdens, it is important that you refortify yourself and build yourself back up when others expect so much of you and indeed take so much out of you. No one is so strong that they do not ever feel fatigued or frustrated or recognize the need to care for themselves. … The caregivers have to have care too. You have to have fuel in the tank before you can give it to others” (Holland, 2018, pp.29-30).

I know what you’re thinking… because I’ve thought it many times myself. You’re thinking, “I’m so busy with my life and my many obligations! When am I supposed to make time to take care of myself?” My hope is that I will help you see the value in creating that time. It doesn’t have to be time-consuming or costly. Self-care comes in many forms and can look like a variety of things in our day-to-day practice. Simply put, self-care is honing in on that special thing—anything really—that “refills your internal batteries” or “puts fuel in our tank” and renews your ability to be your best self. Self-care elevates your ability to show up in a better way for the people and obligations in your life.

In a medically reviewed article entitled, Ways to Practice Self-Care, Carol DerSarkissian (2021) offers some suggestions for more effective care of self.

Her list included many suggestions, but a few I’d like to highlight include:

1.      Find your flow. 

 Find a hobby that you enjoy. Spend your time doing something that pulls in your full attention.

2.      Unplug already! 

Disconnect from electronics, and try to connect more fully with people you love.

3.      Go green. 

Find calm and balance as you spend time outdoors. If being outdoors regularly isn’t possible, DerSarkissian says you can still find benefits as you “…sit next to a window, look at nature photos, or buy a plant.”

4.      Get more shut eye. 

I can’t overemphasize the importance of getting adequate sleep, ideally 7-9 hours. Good sleep impacts many other aspects of our body and functionality. In parenting, adequate sleep is not always possible, but do the best you can.

5.      Move on. 

Get your body moving. Exercise is one of the beneficial forms of caring for oneself. DerSarkissian says, “Turn up your favorite playlist and dance in your living room, swim laps, take a brisk walk around the block. … Rhythmic movements get you out of your head and into the present moment so you're ready for the next challenge” (2021). 

6.      Give Back. 

People often mistakenly assume that self-care is a self-centered endeavor, however, many people find that they feel most renewed when they are focused on and serving others.

7.      Tap into thankfulness. 

Gratitude makes people happier. It effects every aspect of our lives. By conscientiously practicing gratitude, we will be better. DerSarkissian points out, “It helps you notice that even when some things are hard, there's still good in the world and some of it has come your way” (2021).

8.      Jot it in a journal. 

Journaling helps you create order when your life might feel unordered. As you settle into writing, consider it as a time to relax, dream, and process your feelings.

9.      Feed your spirit. 

The article points out that “People who tend to their spiritual side are less apt to worry and feel sad. For some, that means prayer and worship services. For others, it has nothing to do with religion. You may simply meditate every morning. Either way, the result can be that you're better able to take on stress” (2021).

10.  Seek help when you need it. “When a big problem hits, don't pretend nothing's wrong. Speak to a counselor in private or check out a support group. It helps you get a different view of your situation so you can make your best choices. Although your problem probably won't vanish right away, get it off your chest. You'll feel recharged by taking charge -- with help from a pro” (DerSarkissian, 2021).

For me personally, I feel better when I focus on good nutrition. I feel renewed when I connect with people through meaningful conversation. I am my best self when I surround myself with positivity and optimism. At times, my self-care is simply remembering to pause and take a deep breath. Whatever your preferred form of self-care, I hope that you see the value in creating time for it as you continue to bring your best self to your parenting journey.

Next time, we will focus on the concept of Understanding. I hope you'll join me. 

References

DerSarkissian, C. (2021). Self-care strategies that work. WebMD. Retrieved September 22, 2022, from https://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/ss/slideshow-self-care-tips

Holland, J. R. (2018). Bearing one another's burdens. Bearing One Another's Burdens. Retrieved September 22, 2022, from https://abn.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2018/06/bearing-one-anothers-burdens?lang=eng

Romney, M. G. (1982). The celestial nature of self-reliance. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Retrieved September 22, 2022, from https://abn.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1982/10/the-celestial-nature-of-self-reliance?lang=eng&adobe_mc_ref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.churchofjesuschrist.org%2Fstudy%2Fgeneral-conference%2F1982%2F10%2Fthe-celestial-nature-of-self-reliance%3Flang&adobe_mc_sdid=SDID

Smith, C. A., Cudaback, D., Goddard, H. W., & Myers-Walls, J. A. (1994). NATIONAL EXTENSION PARENT EDUCATION MODEL Of Critical Parenting Practices. The National Extension Parent Education model. Retrieved September 22, 2022, from https://www.k-state.edu/wwparent/nepem/