Motivate

 

Let’s talk about motivation.

Motivate 

What drives you? What keeps you going in those situations where you are only accountable to yourself? What about when it gets hard or doesn’t go the way you had initially planned? The way we look at challenges has a huge impact our success. The way we teach our children to view challenges has a huge impact on their ability to self-motivate and is directly linked to level of achievement.

Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset

A fixed mindset describes children (and adults) who believe their intelligence, talents and personalities are fixed traits that cannot grow. They believe we are born with a certain level of ability or talent. Fixed mindsets lead us to believe that we are either good or bad at something based on our inherent nature.  

People with a growth mindset believe what we’re born with is just a starting point. They recognize intelligence, talents and personality can develop and change through effort – and perhaps even struggle. If we are able to foster a growth mindset in ourselves—and in our children, it also means we view mistakes as opportunities to grow. A growth mindset allows us to recognize that positive outcomes are a result of effort and hard work, and not merely talent. 

I love what Stanford Professor, Carol Dweck, teaches about the power of “yet”. When we have a growth mindset, we recognize ourselves (and our children) as works in progress, we are all in the process of becoming.

So, how do we foster a growth mindset? Here are a few suggestions:

Reframe the notion that “hard" means “bad”

 

When we do something hard, our brain is forming millions of new connections. Every time we do something that pushes the boundaries of our comfort zone, we are growing. As a parent, when we remove obstacles from our children’s lives and try to make their path as trial-free as possible—we are actually depriving them of opportunities to become more authentically who they have the potential to be. We are also inadvertently sending a message that we don’t think they are capable of doing hard things.  When we focus on a growth mindset, we embrace challenge, struggle, criticism, and setbacks as opportunities to progress. They are no longer threatening because success now means engaging in the process more than it does achieving a successful end.  

 Change the way we talk to ourselves, and to our children

 

“…every word and action can send a message.  It tells children — or students, or athletes — how to think about themselves.  It can be a fixed-mindset message that says: You have permanent traits and I’m judging them.  Or it can be a growth-mindset message that says: You are a developing person and I am interested in your development. Praising children’s intelligence harms their motivation and it harms their performance.  Parents think they can hand children permanent confidence — like a gift — by praising their brains and talent.  It doesn’t work, and in fact has the opposite effect.  It makes children doubt themselves as soon as anything is hard or anything goes wrong.  If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.  That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise.  They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence” (Dweck, 2016).

 When we praise our children, we should focus on the process over the product—especially our passing evaluative judgement of the product. For example, instead of saying “Good job on your report card.” You might try,” Wow! All the effort you put into your homework really paid off this semester.” Can you see the difference? The second statement applauds the work that was put in and reinforces the behavior to continue learning, while the first statement simply reinforces the desire or work for approval and a parental reiteration of “you’re good.”  Instead of saying, “You’re such a good girl for cleaning your room.” We could simply say, “You cleaned your room! Thank you!” Being aware of the underlying messages we are sending through the way we praise has the power to make a huge impact on how our children view themselves and their abilities.

                I found this article to be very informative if you want to learn more about effective praise.  

What Is Effective Praise? Definition and Examples

     Next time you want to say, "Good boy!" or "Great job!" you may want to try one of these instead...

https://reachformontessori.com/what-is-effective-praise/

As we become more mindful of our inner voice, we will be better at changing the way we speak to ourselves regarding growth. Remove the fixed mindset dialogue and replace it with growth talk.

 

  Start living life!

 A growth mindset is liberating. It gives us (and our children) permission to develop talents and interests (and to fail at them as we learn). It gives us the opportunity to try new things, to step out of our comfort zone, and to do the things that scare us. A growth mindset allows our relationships to become more authentic as we let go of ideals and expectations and embrace the closeness and intimacy that is hard won through struggle and genuine living. Growth mindsets allow us to love the process. When we learn to let go of solely focusing on the final product it allows us to indulge those rich moments in the middle of the journey. Just like all things in life, the more we strive to view our lives, our relationships, and our experiences with a growth-mindset, the better at it we will get-- and that's growth!

 

References

Dweck, C. S. (2016). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Ballantine Books.

Kennedy, M. J. (2021, October 14). What is effective praise? definition and examples. The Montessori-Minded Mom. Retrieved October 7, 2022, from https://reachformontessori.com/what-is-effective-praise/

Smith, J. (2020). Growth mindset vs fixed mindset: How what you think affects what you achieve. Mindset Health. Retrieved October 7, 2022, from https://www.mindsethealth.com/matter/growth-vs-fixed-mindset